Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
