I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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