Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
