What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Drunk is a universal language darling
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
