did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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