i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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