Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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