So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
