He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
