That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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