I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
