I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
