I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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