Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
