You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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