So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
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so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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