So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
