Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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