In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
