Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
