You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
