The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize