not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
