I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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