Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
