Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
no. you can't hotbox the world.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
