My first STD was from a foam party
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she told me i tasted like america
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
