she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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