you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
