We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
