he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
