I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
