I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
