sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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