Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize