Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
