"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
wow bdsm is so cute
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