honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
