I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
