It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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