my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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