College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
