We won't sleep together?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found puke in my bra..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
