Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
