I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
