well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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