no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
