soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will be naked everywhere
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
