You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
