does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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