he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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