If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
