Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
