you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
