I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have fence marks all over my body
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
