forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
