the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
