Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
