this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
