my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
