i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
