i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
