My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
