WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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