Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
