butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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