Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
