just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
