Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
