watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
