you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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