this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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